You sang to me.

Thank you, Z.

Thank you so very much, for everything.

Fade out.



We were young then, just like they are young now.

23 days, and I've always believed that it was all good, to the extent of being happier without your 'presence', until your sms came in and it brought back everything. Every slight memory of you since 1995, the thoughts you have shared with me on paper for the past eight years, the movies, the dinners, the plays, the songs... the live band at Indochine. The drive to ECP with you on my left. A most wonderful July 24th, midnight conversation on the ZARA steps over raspberry vodka. Doraemon. Your watch. Your necklace which I never got to see, or wear.

How things just weren't meant to be.

And it's funny how you emphasize so many times that I will always be "special and important", because you apparently have absolutely *no* idea how you literally killed me with your sheer insensitivity three months ago.

It doesn't really matter that I loved you
How many seasons fall
It's too bad
It really doesn't matter at all.

George Michael - It Doesn't Really Matter.

Fly me to the moon.

I just thought I'd do a list of random tidbits (which some of you guys probably don't know) about myself, since it's past 4 on Easter Saturday morning and I have absolutely no intention of sleeping just yet.

1. I am currently on Easter break now, till 3rd April.

2. I watched "Down With Love" (Ewan McGregor & Renee Zellweger) on DVD with Piggy and absolutely hated it.

3. I am officially OC-fied at the moment (and I love Ryan, Anna, Hailey, and Jimmy Cooper).

4. I watched Miss Congeniality II with HJ and thought it was, as usual, a bad attempt at creating a sequel to a box-office prequel.

5. I have a strong affinity with Aquarians (ie: most of my closest friends belong to the above star signs).

6. I get along well with gay men.

7. I have attended two sessions each of pilates and aerobics since the semester started.

8. I recently bade permanent goodbyes to two people who once had the ability to make or break my day.

9. I wish I owned a chilli-red Mini Cooper.

10. I wish I could have a tagboard as happening as Huey's (;p).

11. I have a thing for ferris wheels, but it's been a really long time since I last went on one.

12. I can't decide if I like cats or dogs better.

13. I love stuffed-toy elephants and pigs.

14. I have played Utada Hikaru's "First Love" on iTunes for 178 times (ie: it reigns number one on my "top 25 most played" playlist).

15. I have a thing for (charming and good-looking, I stress) older men, mostly ten years and beyond; best if they came in swoonsome long-sleeved shirt and tie.

16. I dig musically-inclined men (who can sing, dance, or play some instrument).

X X X

If you're not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way?

Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One.

You just know.

I was just thinking about it today, that I really am a strange girl. I am a hopeless romantic who adores sappy love songs, cries like crazy at sad/touching movies (not to mention that I once resorted to using Nacho napkins to dry my tears watching House of Sand and Fog with Piggy), and goes "awww" at happily-ever-after stories, but at the same time I am also a love cynic. I don't believe in marriage, nor do I believe in things like "true love lasts forever", and the reigning champion on my hate-list is kids.

And even when a potential significant other comes along, there will always be an existing cloud of doubt on whether this person is THE one for me. I know I am just about a mere 22 years of age when settling down (note that I don't use the word marriage) still seems light years away and I might still have many choices ahead, but sometimes you just can't help but wonder, can you. I mean, given that our expectations and perceptions inevitably change over time, how can we ever be sure that it is time to settle down with THIS one?

To bring up the one question that Calcium has been pondering about since forever:

How would we know if a person is THE one we're supposed to be with?

X X X

I told Piggy a few moments ago that perhaps finding that special someone would be like choosing a favourite ice cream flavour: I love ice cream in general, but I want to try all flavours before settling for a favourite.

"At this point of time i dont think you've really met anyone who has swept you off your feet", was what she told me.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

X X X

Oh well. Nothing wrong with being single for life, right? ;> I'm not complaining, at least not now...

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time.

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter.

Hypnotic, that's what this song is.

Caught in the middle.

The past weekend was rather eventful, considering that I had a BBQ, saw a film (technically my second movie with a lesbian theme) at the Melbourne Queer Film Festival, and had dinner at a chic, not-very-conventional Japanese restaurant called Chocolate Buddha O_o

BBQ on Friday night was, in a nutshell, Asian Night. To put it simply, I was there with three married mothers, from Hong Kong, Vietnam and Korea, (yes all three of them above the age of 30 with kids � a total of 5 screaming/running-all-over-the-house little twerps who never should have been brought into this world), and since I couldn�t possibly play toys with those kids, the best I could do was to sit down and enjoy conversation with the mothers over tea (God I sound taitai-ish already).

(I missed out on the chance to squeal about Won Bin to the Korean mummy though :p)

... which wasn�t all that bad I guess, except for the fact that all they could talk about was how difficult it was bringing up their children, the first few months of post-natal depression, problems with the in-laws, yada yada ... and I sat there wide-eyed and open-mouthed, with absolutely nothing to contribute. However, the entire experience on Friday night once again reaffirmed the fact that I am so not going to have children of my own. Or get married.

Watch me you guys. If many years down the road I ever have the slightest intention to marry, please remind me of the sheer consequences ahead ... even if it�s just one minute left to saying �I do�.

X X X

I have finished ten full episodes of the O.C. since I started on Friday (I know I am slow). If this continues I shall be dead in no time.

But just how cute is Ryan??!! And how spunkily attractive is Anna??!! And er, as much as I'd hate to admit, I kinda like Seth too, in a very strange way (what is the world coming to? Lynn supposedly has a thing for mature manly men!).

And finally, I realise I am attracted to Jimmy Cooper aka Marissa's dad (??!!), which Piggy so absolutely cannot see why ;p Am I alone in this, or what? O_o

I told myself "NO MORE O.C." till the next weekend. We shall see how long this lasts...

X X X

Let me be the one
You come running to.

Al Green - Let's Stay Together.

X X X

So smitten with this song.

C'est la vie, mon amour.

Tuesday was supposedly a good day for me.

1. I went for my first aerobics (???!!!!) class at uni, had a great workout with funky dance music and felt super rejuvenated although I was aching like crazy hours later.

2. Devt and Urban Env tutorial was enjoyable because we got to watch interesting videos on Mexico, Istanbul, Shanghai and New York and for once I actually felt like I existed in class because I participated quite a bit.

3. The very nice guy who tapped my shoulder just before I was getting off the tram told me that I'd dropped my wallet on the seat (God I don't want to know the consequences if I'd got off without it).

BUT.

With all good things there always comes something terrible to ruin it all.



Just two days after blogging about, and falling in love with Mario, Ah Mao sent an sms to say that he withdrew from American Idol early that morning due to "personal problems"...

.....

It's hard, it really is... growing to appreciate someone's talent and anticipating his every performance for the next few weeks, even hoping that he would be crowned AI4, then the truth dawns on you and you realise you won't see him on that stage anymore - not in the near future, at least.



He doesn't realise
It's not the end of the world
It doesn't have to be that bad
She tries to explain
"It's you that makes me happy"
Whatever, whatever, whatever
Whatever happens
Don't let go of my hand.

Mario Vazquez - Whatever Happens.



Te amo, Mario.

The way we were.

Huey has currently got a "Savage Garden" song on her blog and listening to it sure brought back alot of memories from secondary school. I can't say I am a huge fan of the duo but I have to admit that their songs did form a significant part of my teenage days. Tracks like "Truly Madly Deeply" and "To The Moon And Back", which were from their debut album were mind-blowing and although they had pretty cheesy songs later like "I Knew I Loved You" and "The Animal Song" (O_o), we all loved them anyway. It's listening to songs like these now, that remind me of the way we were... as teens, as kids, as secondary school students. And boy, were the two of them great together or what?!? To elaborate on the point that Huey made, Darren Hayes sucks as a solo artiste. Sigh. I want Savage Garden back together.

X X X

It's been a pretty hectic two weeks of school so far - 16 hours a week this sem, as compared with the 12 and 15 I used to have two years ago (!!!), but thank goodness I finally get Fridays off or I'll probably drop dead and die ;p The sight of my Geography readers are already killing me although I have yet to get down to properly reading them, because... (now check them out):



Reader for "China in Transition" resting on my carpet floor. It's alot thicker than it looks.



Reader for "Development and Urban Environments" resting on my carpet floor. It's also a hell lot thicker than it looks.

Together with my Japanese texts and other materials, they form a height which looks like this:



I feel a terrible semester ahead of me, and this is only the end of Week 2.

X X X



On a (very much) lighter note altogether, I am currently obsessed and so very deeply in lurrrve with Mario :) :) :) from American Idol 4. Oh well, what can I say? Men who can sing (and dance) are such a turn-on laaaaaa!!!!! ^_^ Damn, I wish I could vote.

X X X

How am I supposed to live without you
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been living for is gone?

Michael Bolton - How Am I Supposed To Live Without You.

Mou ichido, sayonara.

I have lost the only thing that kept me going for the previous semester.

If I cried a little bit
When first I learned the truth
Don't blame it on my heart
Blame it on my youth.

Jane Monheit - Blame It On My Youth.

At the beginning.

The following events take place in a backward chronological order (self-invented term? O_o).

It wasn't too difficult, really... just a matter of deciding whether I wanted to do it or not. And so I right-clicked where the screen name was, hit "delete contact" and also checked where it said "I also want to block this person".

I haven't felt such release in such a long time.

X X X

Been getting a few reminders to start blogging again because apparently it's been almost two weeks since my last post. Not that I didn't have anything to write, but the past week was spent running last minute errands before flying back to Melbourne, having last-minute meetings with the VIPs and of course, packing (which is always such a bitch, for those of you who don't know the agony of flying SIN-MEL and MEL-SIN four times a year).

Sorrrrrrry.

So anyway since I got back last Thursday morning I've had male company, four men (including Blob) in fact. Yes, all sharing the house with me because Yandao and his 2 friends from RJ were here on holiday. Wasn't all too willing on being "The Entertainer" at first, but as the days went by it didn't seem that bad... save for the poor fridge, which was stuffed with morsels of food and drink and chocolate and lots of other sinful bites. My smoked ham, which usually ends up chilled in my mouth, was not spared the wok when one of them guys wanted to make ham omelette. I've got lots more to elaborate on the state of the house but let's not go into detail.



Earlier this evening, while seeing them off at the airport. Please do not attempt to comment on the choice of location for photo-taking.

X X X

Airport farewell on the 23rd was shitty. Despite it being like the 100th time I left Singapore for Melbourne, I still couldn't help but tear while going through the customs (?). I guess the fact that the three of them took the trouble to come contributed alot to my unwillingness to leave :>



We made sure there were no passers-by when we took the pic ;p



... and this, too ;p



Of singing lessons, iced lemon tea and the cold shoulder. Guess I don't need to elaborate *wink*



Second day of CNY and soooo long ago, but what the heck, I love my family!! O_o

X X X

It's 4 am, and I'm in one of those crappy moods again.

It's a neverending thing with you, isn't it.

Having Alicia Keys on repeat mode isn't helping much.

X X X

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you.

Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You.