Freud - Fraud?

Genital (36%) you appear to have a pessimistic and regressive outlook on life.
Latency (73%) you may be using learning as an escape from living.
Phallic (56%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Anal (46%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity.
Oral (70%) you appear to be overly passive and dependent, wanting things to be given to you instead of working for them.

Freudian Inventory Results

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

X X X

Today's Modern Southeast Asia tutorial was horrible. I was one of a pathetic two Asians, and the only Singaporean in a whole class of 13 people. And guess what topic we were doing today?

Singapore's merger with, and separation from, Malaya/Malaysia.

Which, of course, we did not touch on eventually (it's a Melbourne Uni HISTORY department thing, I've come to realise). Instead, it was a me-in-the-hot-seat bombing session - with questions about Singapore and Singapore's government, and the Singapore community - all targeted at ... who else?

The thing was, I naively thought I already knew what was going to come, so I read my readings beforehand, all geared up for questions that my class was to ask me regarding Singapore's history, BUT.

"I have a question about what it means about yellow culture and its links with prostitution in Singapore."

"What does the Singaporean government do about unemployment?"

"Do Singaporeans use the various campaigns like "Speak Mandarin" and "Speak Proper English" and Courtesy campaigns as some sort of a national joke against the government?

"Why does Singapore need a Speak Mandarin campaign? You mean like, as opposed to speaking in English?"

"What language of instruction is used in Singapore schools?"

And finally, the grand finale (it was, coincidentally, the last question of the tutorial as well), which I totally bummed at. It was literally a jaw-drop.

"You know how Australia sees itself as a "Big Brother" sort of country. As a Singaporean living in Australia now, how would you compare this with Singapore's situation, and how do you get accustomed to this - like whether you are ahead, behind, on par with, etc? No, and I do not mean this as a racist comment ... considering that you come from a country with a sort of hierarchical organised structure which emphasizes so much on discipline?"

Imagine thinking of a proper response to this in 3 seconds. Like what my group of friends always say, KEE SIAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_-

Perrin, where were you when I needed you most?

X X X

I am once again reminded of the fact that although the Singaporean education system is known to be very "high up there" in the Asia-Pacific region, the quality of students we produce is another issue altogether. Sure, feed us all the facts and we puke them all out in the exam. We score the As and Bs; we grab the distinctions, but is that what solely defines the term "academically inclined"?

Not that I'm searching for a convenient excuse to explain my inability to rattle away with intelligent responses in tutorials - but isn't this the case with most of us Singaporeans? From primary school to JC, most of my teachers (in desperation) had to peer through our class list more often than not, just to find a particular someone to respond to questions (does this happen in Aussie schools or not I am not very sure, but I suppose the possibility is quite low). I quote my Sec 3 form teacher, "You all are just like chee hum" (she actually meant "see hum" as in "cockle", but she wasn't a very cheena person, so...)

Which is why, even at age 21 and at university level, I find myself still not confident enough to contribute to class discussions. I sometimes even feel like I don't have any thoughts about the readings I just read (whereas the Aussies have no qualms about firing away with their opinions). It is definitely not just a language/culture difference; the problem lies with us being trapped within the vicious cycle of spoonfeeding and regurgitating, all the way from age 7-18. We aren't trained to think critically, or even oppose certain views. By the time it's realised that, "Oh! We really should create opportunities for Singaporean students to exercise their creativity and thinking skills you know...", it is often too late - we enjoyed the comfort zone we were brought up in, so why should we accept something new now? Creativity? Critical thinking? Bah!!"

After 2 years at an overseas uni, I ashamedly realise that it is the same situation everywhere - Singaporeans remain pretty much a passive lot in class (except maybe when participation marks are at stake ;p). To excel in an increasingly globalised economy, a certificate with brilliant grades mightn't be quite enough anymore - what is in fact valuable ... lies within the unseen.

So I say, throw the term "good student" (ie: one who works hard and gets good results) back to the 90s. The "21st century student" is no longer just someone who can successfully regurgitate what's been taught to him in school, but who also possesses skills of thought, expression, and analysis. Our education system gave us the foundation, and it is now up to us to build on that.

The University of Melbourne holds a ranking of 9th in the Asia-Pacific region - a reputation to be proud of. I am, however, hovering at the bottom of the cohort, perhaps not in terms of academic results, but in many other aspects which are so very essential to my future working life ... and yet not assessed.

I say it like I recite my ABCs - but really, how do we actually go about transforming ourselves into the supposedly all-rounded "21st century student"?

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone.

JET - Look What You've Done.

Under the weather.

I'm too sick to make it for uni today and that's why I am home - (just when I was all ready to make it for the 12pm lecture and sit for my Japanese reading test). Argghh! Just one day after my mum left. Anyway I made an appointment later with a nearby GP so let's see what the hell went wrong with me.

Before I move on...

SPOILERS FOR "BEFORE SUNSET" COMING UP - BEWARE!!!!! (and therefore I suggest that you stop reading if you plan to watch that movie)

On a happier note, I watched "Before Sunset" (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) last evening with the rest. Brilliant, brilliant film I thought it was, which is quite surprising because you don't usually expect much from a sequel. It was typically arthouse (it was basically all talk and no action) but everything was so felt within (all that sexual tension!!!!) But no, they did not even go further than a hug, let alone end up in bed. And the ending was ... I don't know -_- I loved the way it was all laid down for the audience in just two simple lines, but somehow I thought I wanted a little bit more elaboration...

I thought Ethan and Julie (my best friends besides Tom and Nicole ;p) did such a great job - all that unspoken chemistry was just so ... there. I guess all of us there could more or less relate to the film, albeit in different ways. For me, it was the affirmation of my belief that there will always remain a particular somebody ... whom you never actually got to share your life with, but who will forever take up that tiny space in your heart even as you move on with life - get married with someone else, have kids, grow old.

Tonight I'm going to watch "Before SunRISE" on video, made in 1994 with the same actors. How cool is that? ;p

I strongly believe that people like Jesse and Celine do exist in real life.

Out there the world is waiting
To take us far away
And it's time to make the final break
But the memory will linger forever.

Wet Wet Wet - If I Never See You Again.

"You're so gonna miss that flight."

"I know..."

The woman of my life.

Note to all: Today is not Mother's Day, and nor am I making up for what was to be a tribute to her on the 2nd Sunday of May.

My mother. She's sleeping just about a metre away from where I am sitting, and amidst the dead silence in my room I hear light snoring (which actually sounds quite cute O.o - she doesn't usually snore, but today she is really, really tired).

Sometimes it's at times like these in the middle of the night when you think about things which don't occur to you at a regular basis ... and for me tonight, it was simply the snoring that made me realise that my mum's such an amazing individual who has done countless things for me - it truly is comforting that at this very moment, I know that she is sleeping beside me and that I'll always have her by my side ... And despite all the little squabbles and arguments that we have had throughout those turbulent teenage years, and despite all the times she'd drive me nuts with her incessant nagging, deep down inside I know she wants the best for me (okay that was HOW cliche), and I have only her to thank, for the person that I have grown to become (not that I'm anything great or whatever, but I should say I am pretty satisfied).

Mummy dearest - what would I ever do without you?

And no, I don't think I'll ever be able to perform half as well as she does - as a mother, a father, an advisor and most importantly, a friend :) I am so thankful that she is here in Melbourne now, even if it's just a few days.

On the other hand, Blob doesn't know how to appreciate his mother, and I think it is the saddest thing ever.

Cherish your mothers, no matter how bad the relationship might seem sometimes - they are one of the best things that will ever happen to you in your entire life :>

I think I'll cry on Sunday.

Let it snow.

Buller pictures, as promised. Sorry I'm so late ;p



Myself with skis - I am not as glam as I seem to be.



I should like to think that it's the 4 layers of outer covering that made me look so ... fat.



Silly snowman that mm and I made while taking a break from skiing ;p



Now don't you just wish it snows in Singapore? ;>

PS: No music for tonight, cos Mum's asleep just about a metre away.

Happy days are here again...

Because both my mom and Blob's are here to visit (just for 4.5 days though)! The sisters arrived yesterday morning at about 5 am, and will be heading back to Singapore again on Sunday afternoon *sniffle*. Despite that (very minor) intrusion into my secret, private life (Okay I'm kidding!!), I'm really glad to be able to spend time with my folks - taking them around and stuff (Although Blob on the other hand doesn't seem to be welcoming it very much). Very nice ;) Not to mention the free cleaning of the kitchen ... and THAT bloody bathroom -_-

Last night I watched the first 2 episodes of Singapore Idol, kindly brought to me by Mummy's VCR services .... special note to *erhem* Singapore's version of William Hung, Mr SWX - WTF were you trying to do with that rendition of Lemon Tree?!?!?!!!! (Yes he is a friend of mine and he reads this blog. Leave a number if you wish to make friends and, no I am so not kidding you) But I guess, my personal favourite was the guy who did Careless Whisper. Seriously, WTF is going on with Singaporeans nowadays?!? (Piggy, I sooooo have to show you the Careless Whisper one ;p)

Applications for student exchange in Semester 2 2005 close on December 6 (!!!!). I really have NO idea if I want to go then, or Semester 1 in 2006. Lots of stuff to worry about if I DO NOT go abroad for my final semester (ie: Sem 1 2006) - and the issue with my apartment here ranks number one on the list.

Anyway, boring details aside. I've decided to put aside all the dreams of New York and California et al, and apply for Keio University in Tokyo, BUT apparently every potential exchange student needs to submit a resume, which as of today I do not know how to write -_- It's just about 3 months more before I have to submit an application!!!

I don't know why I am boring my readers with such crappy detail. I think it's because I am stuck in the library with nothing to do (?).

Back to the readings on the Japanese Occupation in Malaya and Southeast Asia.

So I'm never gonna dance again,
The way I dance with you.

George Michael (with a special remake by some Patrick guy) - Careless Whisper.

Charmed.

"Your Japanese is so good that it made me very happy."

(No, that wasn't a subtle attempt at showing off ;p) Oh well, I don't know - the entire process of learning a new language - the long hours of going to classes, reading, studying, memorising ... felt exceptionally worthwhile all of a sudden.

If I could make someone genuinely happy just by being "good" at a foreign language, I will gladly continue to learn it with no regrets.

And for now, let's try getting me to sleep first... ;)

Or it might be the sound of your hello
That music I hear
I get misty the moment you're near.

Johnny Mathis - Misty.

Hallucinating?

I've been feeling very unsettled for the whole of today, about a very simple thing I didn't manage to do - which was to get off the tram.

It was a few minutes past 2 in the afternoon and I was on my way to uni on the tram. Was trying to finish reading the final pages of "The Da Vinci Code" (haha yes I JUST finished it, tsk tsk!), when at the Lonsdale Street stop just before the tram door closed, I heard the chatter of young Japanese voices - girls'. It somehow caught my attention so I glanced out the door in an attempt to catch a glimpse of what was going on, and as I was straining to look, I spotted a whole bunch of Japanese students gathered outside a coach, with a bespectacled man whom I thought looked very much like Tomohito-san, taking attendance or something.

???!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first thought that came to me was, get off the tram. NOW. Before the tram closes its doors and moves on. But so many thoughts were running through my head at that moment - I have class at 2.15 and if I had gotten off I would be late. And I cannot confirm 100% that it IS him. And, so what if I had gotten off? Pretend that I just happened to be there? And then what do I say? (hi remember me we met at safeway are you on your way to the airport you are going to sydney right have a safe flight and take care sayonara?)

I stayed in my seat mulling over it, from Lonsdale all the way to City Baths ... (sent an sms in the meantime to Fai about what I saw) until I decided that what the hell this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to say goodbye you idiot!!!!!!!. Just as the door was about to close and move on, I sprang up from my seat. I got off the tram, and ran and ran and ran ... *TV shows me running in slow motion, plus intro of Utada Hikaru's "First Love" starts playing in the background to add on the Jap-drama effect, LOL!!* ... all the way from City Baths, first back to Melbourne Central, where I decided that there was no use in running all the way back so I took a tram from there back to Lonsdale.

I literally jumped down the tram at Lonsdale and craned my neck like crazy to see if the coach was still parked by the roadside.

No more.

I crossed the road and walked to the exact location where I first spotted him and the coach, even though I already saw nothing there (sometimes we human beings just need that brutal confirmation).

No more. Really.

I paced around the area for a bit, then snapped back to reality. There was a 2.15 class to go for, and I was already running late. Got on the next tram back to uni, feeling very unsettled about all that had happened. Fai sent me an sms saying, "Tough luck man. But get on that tram and get to your class. Welcome back to reality."

I guess you were right :)

It wasn't so much about not getting to see or speak to him again, but more of the burning eagerness to know if it was indeed him I saw with his students. It was difficult to get a proper look because the tram was preparing to move and I was seated quite a distance from where he actually was ... but I am positive that my intuition was correct.

If there was any stunning revelation I gained from this silly thing, it would have to be a mental note to myself that I should do things whenever my heart tells me to, rather than considering too many factors and ending up only to regret it. Take today for example - I will never actually know if it was him I saw, and it will forever remain a mystery (which kinda kills me...) - but on the other hand I guess that's where the beauty of it lies, no? :)

They're both convinced
that a sudden passion joined them.
Such certainty is beautiful,
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Wislawa Szymborska - Love at First Sight.

I had to admit, though, that I did feel like I was granted a full five minutes in a movie scene, allowed to fully immerse myself in it, and then when the director says CUT, the lights went out and I had to leave.

X X X

And before any one of you prepares to leave me comments along the lines of "you're a desperate, obsessive, man-crazy little girl" or "snap out of your fairytale fantasies" or "i can't believe you're behaving like this towards someone you've not met for over 10 minutes", I would like to defend myself by saying I am still very much a sane person and very in control of my feelings. You could say that I am just someone who is too much in love with the whole idea of being romantic (think more of something bittersweet) thing. In fact, much of the descriptions above were intentionally beautified to create that dreamy effect, if you know what I mean. Heh.

Oh well. Time for bed. Sleepy, and I've a lecture at 12 noon. I'm predicting my arms are gonna ache like hell later from all that Kendo training earlier this evening (Bwahahahahaha... Lynn doing a sport?! A Japanese martial art?!)

Now that IS something, isn't it? ;p

Mad craze.

Just for the record, the Play Count on my itunes for Timmy one-hit-wonder Thomas' "Dying Inside to Hold You" currently stands at a whopping 59 (and still increasing as the day progresses).

Totally, insanely, unbelievably hooked.

How can anyone hate that song? Right Kaelyn?!! ;>

You said hello then you asked my name
I didn't know if I should go all the way.

In the arms of an angel.

Unimportant blabber (I) - I am now eating a tuna and ham sandwich prepared for me by... *gasp* Blob!!!

So I had school on Friday from 12-3 pm (I shall stop whining about it from now on), and for my Modern Southeast Asia tutorial, I sat beside this girl from Indonesia (she just joined my class from another), which was pretty much like meeting an angel from heaven. And because we were doing a topic on the Dutch colonial rule in Indonesia, and also because she was the only Indonesian in the class, she was targeted at for some questions which required her to share her thoughts as an Indonesian - so what's going to happen to me when they do the Japanese occupation, that whole thing about Federated and Unfederated Malay states, and not to mention 9th August 1965?! (do these all come back to you, 4J people? ;p) I refuse to think about it now. Boohoo.

Unimportant blabber (II) - Blob just offered to make me fried eggs with luncheon meat??!!

X X X

Anyway, promised to blog about my encounter with the very attractive charming Japanese man I met at Safeway on Wednesday evening...

There were alot of details involved, but just to cut a long story short, Fai had finished class at 5.15 pm on Wednesday and so asked me to go Safeway at QV with her to get her groceries. While queueing at the checkout counter to pay, I heard a male voice behind me saying "Excuse me..."

I turned to look behind me to see if that man wanted to get past me or something... but no.

"Are you learning Japanese?" He continued to ask.

Apparently I caught his attention because I was carrying my Japanese textbook in my hand, like I always do to "annoy" Nat and Piggy ;p He thought it was nice to see a non-Japanese doing Japanese at a Western country so he decided to talk to me. So, after the usual exchange of hajimemashite we had a short talk at the checkout - the three of us. It was a pity that we had to converse in English, cos yours truly here at beginners' level cannot carry a proper conversation in Japanese ... yet ;p

Towards the end of the conversation he handed me his name card. (SUPERVISOR - SCHOOL GUIDANCE DIVISION.) In my head I was going OMG A SMART CHARMING ATTRACTIVE ACADEMIC!!!!!! I had to admit that I was very honoured and happy :> Was it for formalities' sake or a genuine intention to keep in touch, I do not know... anyway sigh, he's heading to Sydney with his students tomorrow, and then back to Japan soon after, so I guess it's gonna be the last I see of him...?

It's weird to be feeling like this, but I liked the fact that he isn't permanently living in Melbourne. That whole going-away forever thing is just utterly romantic!!! ^_^

Did I forget to mention? That he looked like he was in his 40s and married (No I did not look out for a wedding ring, I just assumed). But nonetheless, so so very attractive and charismatic - very unlike the typical small-sized, vertically challenged Japanese guy on the street.

Have a good trip back to Nihon, and thank you so much for making my day, Tomohito-san :>

But really, just what is with me and intellectual, mature, attractive men who are old enough for me to call DAD?!?

Intelligence and charisma in a man - I so dig that kinda thing :>

Just shut up. You had me at "Hello".

- Jerry McGuire -

X X X

Standing there I didn't know what to say
Without one touch
We stood there face to face.

Timmy Thomas (who?!) - Dying Inside to Hold You.

X X X

... And I sit in front of my laptop, waiting ...

Five days.

After making a huge merry-go-round choosing subjects, I have decided that I shall go back to a five-day school week, which absolutely kills now, since I had only four days last semester.

Useless info to you guys, but I shall do a monologue anyway - I'm torn between doing Sustainable Development and Modern Southeast Asia for my development studies major. One geography, one history (talk about versatility?!). For Sustainable Development I've got a really nice tutor and classmates (a good mix of Aussie and international students, an environment I'd very much prefer to be in), and lectures and tutorials for Modern Southeast Asia fall on FRIDAY (which essentially kills my 4 day week). To make it worse, I'm the ONLY international student in that tutorial and it makes me really uncomfortable and difficult to speak up among all the Aussies who talk as though everything has been computerised in their heads (it sounds silly, but yeah... it's really intimidating actually).

I'd love doing a history module on Southeast Asia, as opposed to tackling boring old issues like "Is there an environmental crisis?!"... yada yada. I've had enough from all that development studies subjects I've done so far -_-

5 days, 5 days... and a shorter weekend from now.

And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like "I love you".

Frank & Nancy Sinatra - Something Stupid.

"Excuse me".

Lynn is a very happy girl today. Good driving lesson, only 2 hours of school, nice Nasi Lemak dinner with Piggy, Nat and CaLi (nice to see you again after so long!!), and how can I ever forget, the attractive, so very charming Japanese man I met while at the Safeway checkout counter with Fai.

I shall blog about the whole thing tomorrow night :) Got a shower to take and readings to read for a tutorial tomorrow.

Do you know you're beautiful?
You are ... Yes you are.

Mandalay - Beautiful.

Sighhhhhh...